Shhhh! Let me tell you a secret—tomorrow is a holiday o. Please don’t tell anybody. We are going to enjoy plenty of meat tomorrow. Another secret is that Dr Frank Odoom is celebrating his birthday. You know him? He is a former Director-General of SSNIT, and coincidentally, on his birthday, he was sworn in as a Member of the Board of SSNIT. A solid gentleman he is! God bless you, Sir!
Please don’t tell anybody o, but since this is all positive news, make noise about tomorrow, Dr Frank Odoom’s birthday, and his inauguration to the SSNIT Board. Congratulations, Sir! I have just finished shouting; you too, go and shout. Hahaaaa!
The worst mistake in life is telling someone a secret and reminding them not to tell anybody. The person will only take it as a reminder to shout! Even you, the one telling the secret, are dangerous—you might have already told someone without realising it, often with no mischief in mind, but the implications can be serious. Don’t trust yourself too much. Sometimes we forget ourselves, especially those of us with okra mouths.
I can’t wait to have a long sleep tomorrow. Waking up at 4 a.m. to prepare for work every day for five days can be stressful. We thank Allah for tomorrow’s holiday so we can rest small. Dr Rafique Daudi (PhD), CEO of Metropolitan Life, Health and Pensions, you owe me Eid Mubarak meat tomorrow, Sir! I want the one with less fat. As we are aging, they say we should avoid too much fatty food and meat. We should also eat early, but how do we do that as corporate people when we leave home so early for work and close so late?
The solution many of us have found is this: since we don’t want to eat late at night and risk developing health issues, we go to the nearest chop bar or restaurant after work, usually before 7 p.m., to eat before it gets too late. I’ve noticed that whenever I’m at a chop bar after work, I see many men with wedding rings also eating. Don’t we have wives at home? We are married but still bachelors—all in the name of avoiding potbellies and staying fit. Sometimes, the stress of worrying about weight gain actually adds more weight to our weight! I don’t know why, la!
The irony of life can be very amusing. When I loved meat and milk the most, I couldn’t afford them. Now, by God’s grace, I can, but they say ‘cholesterol’—so I shouldn’t consume them, or I should limit my intake. What should I do again? I’m beginning to feel tempted to free my mind and eat anything, though there are some things we don’t eat with our mouths. It’s not what you’re thinking o! For those ones, I will use ‘rubber.’
The risk level is super high now, coupled with challenges in the availability of antiretroviral medications. The numbers are increasing, so I have become more cautious. But when it comes to what I eat with my mouth, anything goes—I am tired. Even the cow eats mainly grass but still has fat and a potbelly.
For the ‘married bachelors’ who don’t eat dinner prepared by their wives because they get home late, tomorrow is the perfect opportunity to eat dinner that will be prepared tonight, so that on Friday morning—the holiday—we can enjoy it. To be continued.
Sometimes, we become ‘married bachelors’ because we are in bed with our wives but can’t access their ‘Wi-Fi’ due to their exhaustion from the day’s activities. You can’t blame them, especially if it’s not because of grudges—which is normal in marriages. As for me, even when my wife and I are not on talking terms, she would still open the ‘Wi-Fi,’ and after that, we go back to our mood swing ways. It’s normal.
When we are denied, we are tempted to go out to eat, without our mouths, especially after work. Some of our wives, please ‘open up’ for us o, or else, the ring may still be on our fingers, but it may push us into the category of ‘married bachelors.’ Sometimes, even though some wives religiously perform the ‘opening ceremony,’ some of us would still go out to eat anyway—without our mouths. Please help us reduce the ‘outside eating,’ especially the type that doesn’t involve using our mouths. You also stand the risk of infections if we make the mistake of eating without ‘rubber.’
It is because of these things that some men develop ‘useless hobbies.’ Like me, when I am seated in the front seat of a trotro bus and there is an empty space, if I see a beautiful passenger walking toward the vehicle, I unconsciously make room for her to sit next to me. But when the driver’s mate pushes her into the main cabin, the pain I feel, eh! Trotro mate, weytin concern you? Is she your girlfriend? Just allow her to sit next to me—why do you say weytin?
Another one is when you are sitting in the aisle seat of a trotro, not the front seat. Then, a beautiful lady enters, looking for a place to sit, and you shift to create space for her. But as fate would have it, she ignores your unnecessary generosity and heads straight to sit at the back. Weytin concern you? Who sent you, Amuzu? You see, this is all because I was a temporary alternative.
Eh-hehn! Back to the non-fa about married bachelors.
Married bachelors, are we doing anything wrong? Is it not in the best interest of our families? If you can relate, type AMEN! But if you’ve been pushed to the point where you ‘don’t mind the consequences’ of going ahead without using ‘rubber,’ please remember: Sin fascinates and assassinates! A lifetime of regret may just be staring you in the face!
I met my doctor yesterday at the chop bar and was shocked to see him eating fufu with plenty of goat meat standing like ‘conquerable soldiers’ on top of the fufu. I confronted him. This man told me I should significantly reduce my intake of red meat because it can damage the nerves in the human body. I have been complying for over a year. Now, see what he himself is doing! In response to my confrontation, he said, “Whatever I advised you to do is in your own interest.” Does this mean the doctor doesn’t have an interest? Ah! Hmmm!
For those of us with unrepentant okro mouths, let’s be careful. You see, those moments when, after a call, you say small small negative things about prominent people or those in authority—one day, they will hear you. Sometimes, many of us do it unconsciously. I nearly did it to my pastor recently. After the call, I thought I had hung up. Unfortunately, I failed to check if he had hung up too. That was when I realised I was still saying small small konkonsa about him—right into his hearing, without knowing it!
Shhhh! This is a secret; don’t tell my pastor o! This was what I said—but don’t tell him: “This man can worry; he thinks everybody has time like him er!” (with a chuckle). I heard myself clearly after I had quickly cut the call. As to whether he heard me or not, I feel like asking him. Should I? I go explain taya! Hahaaaa!
Have a nice long weekend, and remember—talk to God directly. He is easier to talk to than most people, who will only listen to your problems and then go and do konkonsa about you, provided they are not even recording you on their phones.
Happy Eid Mubarak to all my Muslim in-laws and friends, especially Mr. Shaibu Ali, President of the Insurance Brokers Association of Ghana and MD of KEK Insurance Brokers Group. His accolades can be summarised into just one—he is a VANDAL! He is one of my favourite in-laws who does not joke with me at all; I also don’t joke with him! If you touch me in his presence, trouble for you—and vice versa.
Sir, tomorrow, please, I will drive past home to say ‘Hello.’ It is not just ‘Hello,’ in actual fact o—it’s Sanla meat I want, Sir. Hahaaaa!
Happy Eid-ul-Adha to us all!
