In today’s fast-evolving world, conversations around gender roles have become fiery but they have also become even more necessary. There has always been this growing push for equality, the yearning for fairness, equal opportunities, and beyond that, the consistent global call for an end to all forms of discrimination against women. This is all laudable. But, somewhere along the line, the idea of complementing between the sexes seems to have lost or diluted its importance. The age-old adage “what a man can do, a woman can do better” is still being echoed everywhere, on the streets, in workplaces, at schools, and even in homes. While this slogan is often intended to encourage women to reach for their highest potential, it has inadvertently fostered a spirit of competition rather than partnership between the men and their female counterparts. When we dissect the true nature of the relationship between a man and a woman, particularly within the sacred institution of marriage, we find that the most fulfilling unions do not thrive on competition, they thrive on mutual support, on complementary roles.
For example, it is an obvious fact that without a man, no woman can become a mother. It is equally obvious that without a woman being a mother, no man can be a father. This simple biological fact sums up the essence of interdependence between the man and his woman. It is a clear pointer to a divine design that expects both man and woman to work together in harmony, not against each other. From the very beginning, nature designed human beings as social creatures, needing each other for survival, support, and continuity of life. The creation story, shared in many religious and cultural narratives, often emphasizes this design: a man and a woman coming together to form a family, the basic unit of society.
In traditional African societies, men and women have distinct but equally important roles. Each role, while different, was valuable. They complemented each other, ensuring that the family and community thrived. This design transcends even biology. Beyond the physical act of procreation, men and women possess unique emotional, psychological, and spiritual strengths that, when combined, create a balanced and holistic family unit.
Men, traditionally, are the providers and protectors. This role does not merely refer to financial provision, it encompasses emotional stability, moral guidance, and the creation of a safe environment for growth. A man’s physical strength is historically used to shield his family from external threats, while his presence is often associated with authority and discipline. Men are wired to lead, to chart paths, and to take risks, if necessary. This is not to say that women cannot lead or take reasonable risks, but it underscores the natural inclination seen in many men. Even in today’s modern world, many men derive a sense of purpose and fulfilment from providing for and protecting their families. Moreover, a man’s role as a father is pivotal. Children often look up to their fathers as role models for courage, resilience and integrity. The father’s love and discipline shape a child’s understanding of authority, respect, and responsibility.
On the other hand, women bring unparalleled nurturing abilities to the family. A mother’s love is often described as unconditional and sacrificial. From pregnancy to childbirth, from breastfeeding to countless sleepless nights, a mother embodies selflessness in ways words can barely capture. Beyond physical care, women are often the emotional anchors of the family. They tend to possess higher emotional intelligence, enabling them to manage conflicts, nurture relationships, and create a warm, inviting home environment. Women’s intuition, often called the ‘sixth sense’, is another invaluable trait. Many families rely on the woman’s intuition when making critical decisions, whether about children’s education, family health, or community involvement. When these feminine traits merge with the masculine qualities in a marriage, they create a synergy that propels the family forward all the time.
In many modern contexts, unfortunately, the line between complement and competition is progressively becoming blurred. The feminist movement, which initially sought to ensure that women had equal rights to education, work, and political participation, has sometimes inadvertently promoted a narrative that men and women must compete for dominance at home, in the workplace and even in the society. While it is crucial to champion women’s rights and ensure they are not subjugated or limited, it is equally important to recognize that equality does not mean sameness. Men and women are equal in worth but different in design and function. And everyone who means well should understand and appreciate this.
Competition within marriage often leads to power struggles, resentment, and emotional disconnect. For example, when a woman feels the need to constantly prove she can do everything her husband can, she is likely to neglect her own strengths. Similarly, when a man feels threatened by his wife’s capabilities and responds with insecurity or aggression, the relationship suffers. On the other hand, complement allows partners to lean into their strengths while supporting each other’s weaknesses. In a complementary relationship, a woman does not see her husband’s leadership as a threat, and a man does not see his wife’s nurturing prowess as a sign of domination. Instead, they see each other as allies working toward a common goal.
Complement fosters respect and admiration. When both partners appreciate each other’s unique contributions, they build deeper emotional bonds. Children raised in such an environment learn the values of cooperation, respect, and unity. When each partner plays to their strengths, the home becomes a haven of balance and stability. Rather than struggle for dominance, each person focuses on supporting the family’s overall well-being.
Also, competition often breeds frustration and burnout. In contrast, complement brings a sense of purpose and fulfilment. When partners recognize and appreciate their unique roles, they experience deeper satisfaction in their contributions. Strong families are the bedrock of society. When marriages thrive on complement rather than competition, communities become more cohesive, and societal issues like broken homes, juvenile delinquency, and domestic violence diminish.
The “what a man can do, a woman can do better” mentality, though inspiring in some sense, can be quite divisive. While it pushes women to break barriers, inadvertently it also pits them against men, creating an atmosphere of rivalry rather than partnership. This mentality often downplays the unique strengths of both genders. For instance, while a woman can certainly be an excellent CEO, scientist, or engineer, she also has the unique capability to carry life within her, a role no man can fulfill. Similarly, while a man can be nurturing and empathetic, he brings a different kind of strength and stability to the family. By constantly trying to outdo each other, men and women risk neglecting their inherent roles, leading to identity crises and family dysfunction.
At the heart of complement is respect. When a husband respects his wife’s intuition, emotional intelligence, and nurturing spirit, he empowers her to be her best self. When a wife respects her husband’s leadership, strength, and protective instincts, she reinforces his confidence and sense of purpose. Respect also involves acknowledging and valuing each other’s sacrifices. A husband who works long hours to provide for the family deserves appreciation, just as a wife who dedicates herself to managing the home and raising children deserves recognition. Some might argue that traditional roles are outdated, especially in a world where economic demands often require both partners to work. Indeed, many women today are accomplished professionals, and many men actively participate in domestic responsibilities. This shift is commendable and at a time values are being modified, necessary.
However, even as roles evolve, the principle of complement remains most vital. Shared responsibilities does not negate inherent differences, rather, they highlight the importance of partnership and mutual support. For example, a husband and wife may both contribute financially, but they can still honour each other’s natural strengths. A man who helps with cooking or childcare is not compromising his masculinity, he is demonstrating love and partnership. Similarly, a woman who supports the family financially does not lose her femininity, she embodies strength and resilience. Our society must move from a mindset of rivalry to one of collaboration. Young boys and girls should be taught that their worth is not determined by their ability to outdo the opposite gender but by their capacity to contribute meaningfully to their families and communities. Educational systems, religious institutions, and media platforms have a role to play in reshaping these narratives. Rather than promote slogans that incite competition, they should encourage messages of mutual respect, partnership, and shared purpose. For a marriage to withstand life’s storms, both partners must see each other as teammates, not adversaries. This involves open communication, shared vision, and unwavering commitment to supporting each other’s growth.
Practical steps toward fostering complement should include discussing each other’s needs, expectations, and aspirations. This helps to build understanding and alignment. For instance, instead of criticizing each other’s shortcomings, focus on leveraging each other’s strengths. Couples should work together to define and pursue common goals, whether financial, spiritual, or relational. Being adaptable and willing to adjust roles when necessary strengthens the partnership. Regularly expressing appreciation and celebrating each other’s contributions nurtures a spirit of gratitude and love.
The union of a husband and wife is a beautiful dance of harmony, balance, and mutual support. It is a divine arrangement that thrives when both partners embrace their unique roles while working together toward a shared destiny. Competition may breed momentary excitement and individual accolades, but it often leaves emotional scars and fragmented homes. Complement, on the other hand, builds resilient families, nurtures individual fulfilment, and strengthens societal bonds. As we strive for gender equality, let us not forget the power of complement. Let us teach our sons and daughters that while they can aspire to any career or dream, their greatest strength lies not in surpassing each other but in supporting and uplifting one another. At the end of the day, a perfect union demands not who can do it better, but how both can do it together — beautifully, harmoniously, and in perfect complement.
