Adapted from an original piece by Kwame Asiedu Sarpong
The Macho Myth: Strong in Bed, Weak in Sense
Why is it that in Ghana, a man can owe ECG, rent, and school fees… but not owe a performance in the bedroom? Why do our brothers fear two things more than judgment day:
1. A softening economy
2. A softening manhood
Meanwhile, his arteries are clogging like the Kaneshie underpass on a rainy day, but all he’s worried about is whether Lɛticia will still moan like last week.
Oh, let us be fair—it’s not entirely the men’s fault.
Some of our dear sisters, after one TikTok tutorial and two sachets of sobolo, have suddenly become certified Sɛxpectation Coaches. Demanding gymnastic performances from men who haven’t stretched since P.E. class in 1998. “Twɛre me sideways!” they say. My sister… is he a lizard?
Bitters, Boasters, and the Big Lie
They say herbs are natural. Well, so is death.
Kwame from Circle says his concoction is blessed by dwarfs. But Kwame cannot spell hypertension, let alone measure it. And yet, we trust him more than a trained pharmacist because he shouts louder.
Meanwhile, Baba Kojo, the local bedroom commando, collapses mid-pump. They whisper it was juju. No. It was BP. But because he died in active duty, they buried him with full bedroom honours—pillow, mattress, and one expired pack of Mutinous Man Capsules.
Death by Erection, Funeral by Confusion
The family gathers.
“They say it was spiritual.”
Yes. The spirit of foolishness.
Some suggest poison. Others blame the woman:
“He died on top of her!”
No. He died beneath the weight of societal stupidity.
ED Is Not Your Enemy. Silence Is.
Here’s the bitter truth (and no, not the one in the bottle):
Erectile Dysfunction is not a punishment. It’s often a warning sign—the body’s polite way of saying, “Bro, your plumbing is jammed. Check engine.”
But instead of visiting the doctor, we turn to Uncle Big Joe’s Erections Emporium, where every herbal brew is brewed in secrecy and shame.
Prescription for the Republic: Sense & Sensibility
Let’s prescribe something radical:
Common Sense, once daily, with water.
Dear men:
– Know your BP like you know your body count.
– Check your heart, not just your hardness.
– Choose medication over mortuary.
And ladies:
– Lower your expectations, not just your waist beads.
– Encourage health checks, not heart attacks.
Final Words
When your obituary reads “Gone too soon, left us in his prime,” and the family quietly adds, “He was trying to impress,” —know that you died a fool’s death. Not a soldier. Not a martyr. A man who refused to check his pressure but never missed a pressure test in bed.
Brothers, save your heart. Save your life.
And let not your bedroom antics be engraved on your tombstone.
Here lies Kofi. He came. He saw. He seized.
May we not repeat his story.
By Jimmy Aglah, Chief Satirist, Republic of Uncommon Sense.
Hashtag it into sanity:
#CheckBeforeYouChop
#BPBeforeBonking
#DieRichNotRigid
#BedroomHeroesNeedBPChecks
#HerbsDontHealHypeDoesntHelp
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DISCLAIMER: The Views, Comments, Opinions, Contributions and Statements made by Readers and Contributors on this platform do not necessarily represent the views or policy of Multimedia Group Limited.
