Mawuli Zogbenu is the author
When a man tells you that he has left his wife, pray for him because he might be a richman who has a lot of property where paying alimony and sharing property is not a problem. But when a man tells you that his wife has left him, organize a crusade to pray for him because poverty drives some wives away on their own – they don’t care about any alimony; where is he going to get it from?
To be a man is hard but to be a woman can be even harder. Women go through a lot. The hormonal changes, carrying a pregnancy for nine months. Men cannot even carry constipation for 3 days! Raising children can be daunting.
Underestimating the worth of a woman is a societal risk. If in doubt, ask a man whose wife has left him and left the children with him to take care o! It’s no joke.
Greetings to all women who love me including those who vex me because I forgot to say Happy Mothers’ Day last Sunday! For me, I celebrate you every day! We secretly love you and silently pray that you don’t ever leave us though we may not show it due to egoistic somethings! The first time I was to change a baby diaper was the day my appreciation of Mothers increased. Jesus is Lord! This was a baby who had started eating heavy food including fried eggs, meat, milk and beans!
I have since taken things easy at home. If you want to be a happy husband, confide in a female friend. They would often give you the exact feeling of your wife towards a particular issue and your unnecessary mood swings at home would change. If a man is advising you about how to handle issues with your wife, they use logic; the female friend will put herself in the shoes of a colleague female friend. Men advising men? Takashi nkoaa! “If it were to be me, the way I go deal with that woman er”. That’s a typical man’s response when a male friend shares issues about his wife or girlfriend. Men? Tweeeaaa to us especially to me!
On this unnecessary note, once in a while, wear your trousers before your singlet just to shame the order of things. This is exactly what the ‘Useless Column’ is about! No vex o. Let’s have fun this weekend but let’s be careful because those of us who think if through having fun and we contract the ‘thing’, anti-retroviral medications will be easily accessible, you should know by now what the future looks like for the availability of these drugs. Use condom. If you can’t afford one, just use polythene bags since your waist keeps sweeting you. Half enjoyment is better than full enjoyment with high risks!
Ahaaaan! Good, a medical doctor cum businessman friend of mine is one of the smartest I have ever come across. He had future plans of building a clinic. And as a prelude to that, he acquired two plots of land to build a morgue; I really don’t like calling it ‘mortuary’ though it’s the same location!
Truth is no one really wants to hear the mention of this word or? At the time, he bought the plots at GHC5,000 each but chose the middle of a large ‘untapped’ portion of land located quite a distant from town. He finished with the structure and business commenced.
A few years later, the land owners decided to sell the other nearby plots of land at GHC7,000 per plot. Prospective buyers came and left. Please don’t ask me why. The land owners thought the price was too high and decided to reduce it to the price at which they sold it to my friend i.e. GHC5,000, a kind of ‘reduce to clear’ – promotion! That one too, nobody was interested.
Now buy one get one free, still! They further reduced the price to as low as GHC1,000 but…lai lai! Unfortunately for the landowners, the prospective buyers came on inspection of the land either on Thursdays or Fridays and those are the days the sirens from various ambulances keep blurring un-end, one after the other! Two years had passed and the large piece of land around the ‘facility’ was still available.
My Doctor-preneur friend approached them and expressed interest in purchasing all the plots to which they had agreed! He offered to pay GHC500 per plot and the land owners agreed. How smart! He has since started the construction of an ultra-modern medical centre in the area. Be smart la, I keep saying this that if you don’t use your head, your body will suffer! Good morning, Doc.
I have learnt from my good friend, Tindanbil that coconut water is a mild aphrodisiac and since then I have been drinking it on daily basis. The effect? not that bad! At least, it makes me respond to ‘harder…faster…faster…faster! But as age has started catching up on my waist among others, I needed a back-up medication only to realise if I am not careful in satisfying all conjugal righteousness especially outside the house, I may kill myself.
So I do what I can. If it is too slow, abeg, don’t kill me with such instructions. Faster faster faster…to where? Abeg! Let me do my under two minutes half clutch, wear my boxer shorts and walk away so I can leave long!
Have a nice weekend and remember that when you are surrounded by vultures, make sure you don’t die! In other words, don’t get into magnetic fields if you know you are a metal! God be with us all.
